When Oberon was born, we sent out holiday cards and pictures. One of the pictures said, "Baby Oberon, part of our lives for a short while, part of our family forever." Chris and Elizabeth meant it then, and mean it now.
What we can't control is how the other beasties feel about Oberon's place in our family. We have tried to be open and treat it as our "normal." Yes, it is very sad, but that doesn't mean we ignore it or pretend he wasn't here.
Lately, both bigger beasties have had opportunities to share about their families and they both included Oberon. This brings our hearts comfort especially as we realize that these opportunities will become less frequent. As the kids grew out of all the baby things we had gotten for Obie, there was less opportunity to naturally talk about him during the day. As they move through higher grades in school, there won't be "family tree" projects.
|Imogen's Family Tree - September 2022|
Oberon is part of our family, like everyone else in it. When it makes sense to talk about him (his birthday, Obie Xmas, when bees are around, etc.), we do. In the past (almost) 8 years though, we've settled in that it doesn't make sense for us to try to force Oberon's memory into everything. Yes, we take some pictures at Disneyland with Obie's O, because I was pregnant with him there and he has his own ears. At Great America though? It doesn't naturally fit and we don't try to make it.
Back to the big kid projects. Imogen's was made at home, so we did have some influence (reminding) about Oberon. She didn't push back at all and it's normal to us that there are four kids in the family. Everett, on the other hand, filled out his sibling information at school on his own. That he is recognizing a brother makes us so happy / sad. Right now, we can't ask for anything else.
|Everett's "get to know you" - August 2022|