Our Little Beastie Blog: Keep Growing

So much is changing, and suddenly it seems so fast.

Our house is nearly where we want it to be. The to-do list is getting very short, and that feels awesome. We’re starting to really settle into our new home. Finally trusting that yes, this is indeed our house and our home.

Everett has been upgrading too - a water table! 7/23/17

Elizabeth’s body is changing too. Her belly is swelling to accommodate a growing (and kicking!) Bitty. Pregnancy aches and pains exist, but they aren’t too intrusive. She continues to be monitored closely (so far, no red flags). It’s hard to compare how she feels physically between the three pregnancies, because the circumstances were so drastically different. Emotionally, it’s markedly less intense - veering into disconnected. There’s so much pulling at our attention and time that there just can’t be as much focus on the pregnancy, or on grief. It makes it easier to get through the days without breaking down, but it carries with it some guilt.

24 weeks with Bitty - 7/23/17

Everett’s changes are the most visible. He is learning new words all the time. He is getting more brave climbing and running. It’s such a joy to watch him figure things out, to watch him be proud of himself. As we barrel through toddlerhood, it’s clear that Everett won’t stay little forever, won’t stay a baby.

At this point, many parents would be tempted to say something like, “stop growing!” or “he’s growing too fast” or “I wish he would stay little forever.” Not us. Definitely, not us.

We know what it’s like when a child doesn’t grow, and stays little forever. It’s not an outcome any parent would actually wish for. It seems like an innocuous thing to say, but it isn’t. We aren’t the only loss parents who react badly to sentiments like that.

Watching Everett grow and change is the most rewarding part of parenting. Providing love and support may be the number one responsibility as parents, but helping our kids grow and change is a close number two.

All smiles at the Happy Hollow playground - 7/29/17

We never got past love and support for Oberon. We made decisions that were best for him and our family, we gave him as much love as we could while he was alive - and there’s so much leftover that we continue expressing it now.

With Everett, and now Bitty, our biggest hope is that we get to help them grow and change for the rest of our lives. We’d never wish for it to slow down or stop.