Friday, October 20, 2017

This October

It's October, and there is a lot going on. Sometimes, the best thing for us to do is compartmentalize, and that's certainly been happening lately.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Awareness Month. What does that mean for us this year? Similar to the last two years, it means our social media world turns pink and blue. Elizabeth participates in the Capture Your Grief photograph event, we attended the HAND Service of Remembrance, and we participated in the Wave of Light on October 15th.

HAND Service of Remembrance - October 1, 2017

Wave of Light - October 15, 2017 - Everett loves candles now

It's an emotional month, but didn't hit as hard this time. That sounds like a good thing, but sometimes it's hard to tell. The distance between us today and the us that held Oberon is greater. That always sucks. It's very hard to find the balance between being able to function with grief and being guilty that it isn't overwhelming. We still experience moments that overwhelm, but as time goes on they become less frequent. It's a difficult adjustment to come to terms with, but we're working on it.

This kid is in a really fun stage. Language exploding, running and climbing, sometimes listening, and all-around silliness. Yes, tantrums are picking up, but that means he's growing and developing - which is awesome.

Some of Everett's latest hijinks and activities - October, 2017

Especially since he's in day care during the week, we try to make the weekends more exciting. This means lots of trips to the park, bringing Evie on errands, and we took the plunge and signed up for his first activity class. He'll be going at least once a week to The Little Gym, and if it's anything like his trial class it will be a mix of tantrums and all-out loving it.

We talk to him about Bitty, his little sister, but it doesn't really seem to be clicking. We know his life will drastically change in the coming weeks, and we truly hope the adjustment isn't too hard on him.

Elizabeth has officially passed the 37 week mark (and progesterone shots are over!). We've been preparing, but wouldn't say we're prepared. There are still things on the to-do list (like a name), but we may need to face the reality that it won't all get done.

Part of it, we think, is pushing to the side thoughts of labor, delivery, and the newborn period. It gets overwhelming very quickly to think about or hope for a particular story line to play out. Will she need the NICU? Will Elizabeth have complications? Will we get to bring her home? These questions are so real to us, that it just isn't something we spend a lot of time on.

So that leads to...not really facing up to the possibility of a newborn being in the house very soon. We've bought the things and cleaned the things, but we aren't really thinking about it. At least, not yet.

And for now, that will have to be OK. One day at a time, one moment at a time.

And next month? That will be a big one for all kinds of reasons.

Maternity Photos with Abby Alger Photography - and a whiny Everett - 9/16/2017

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